It’s been a whole day or so, and yep, I still want Cowgirl boots. I have no idea what I would wear them with. Maybe I would wear them with the stupid, ugly, embarrassing gown that I have to put on every stupid time I go to the hospital? Instead of wearing the poor me, pathetic little fuzzy socks to “keep me comfy”. I would wear fierce, kick ass cowgirl boots with swirls and sass and attitude. I don’t have much attitude in me, lately. Maybe wearing cowgirl boots everywhere would scream to the world I am FIERCE? No words needed. I have to be careful what I ask for. Mr. Right is on a mission to give me anything I want. To spend $500.00 on a pair of boots just to feel fierce, seems a bit much. No, we do not have an envelope for “Kick ass Cowgirl boots”. Maybe we should?
I have a cell phone. I love my phone. I don’t really like talking on it. I like reading e-mails and texting. On some days lately, I have had a lump (hang on, not really, just figuratively speaking) in my throat and tears ready to spill over…so texting has been a wonderful answer to still talking with others. I had a lady like cell phone cover. Palest of pink, with pretty pale pink flowers with a butterfly and it was sweet and lovely and I SMASHED to pieces with a HAMMER. Yeah, you read that correctly. I SMASHED the tar out of it. Then I kept going and SMASHED the little parts into dust. I even managed to make a few marks in the concrete.
I bought a new cell phone cover. Three weeks ago, I would have called it trashy looking, inappropriate and certainly not something I would ever choose or pay money for. Today, I would call it FIERCE. When I went to pay the girl said, it is $2.00 extra because of all the bling. I said, ring it up, sister! I have never in my life felt so mad and angry and out of control. It is something new for me. It is very un-lady like and to be honest, I want to cuss like a sailor. I want to beat the crap out of a pinata. I feel like I am grasping at anything that will give me courage and a feeling of strength. I don’t feel very graceful. I wish I was a pilot and could fly away from all of this ugly stuff.
The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests. ~epictetus