When the weight of the world seems to be weighing me down? My “perfect” world feels like I have fallen in the dirt in my Sunday dress. I am feeling upside down and all twisted up. My answer to beginning a day sobbing in the shower? Elbow grease & music. When the work overwhelms me and I am plum tuckered out by trying to vacuum, scrub, rake and sweep my frustrations away, I give up. I am really hard on myself. I don’t feel like I measure up sometimes.
It’s like I don’t have the energy to smile. I have to ask for help. I have to gently remind myself that I am good enough. When everything is too much, I have to remember that God thinks I am good enough. The trick is to convince myself that I AM good enough. I have to trust that He loves me and that is good enough.
Then I somehow found my way to our book shelves……then I spot the colorful spine. I love SARK. I love that I LOVE SARK. I have for years and years, (she said, while twirling her hair). I have 6 or 7 of her books. Her books help me, they make me happy. I have purchased a couple of her posters. I have little notes on the refrigerator from her. I have written some of her quotes in my journal. I have used some of her quotes on this blog. Somehow, through the pages of a book, she taps me on the head with her glitter covered wand, sometimes, she BAPS me on the head. I can be a bit stubborn & hard-headed. Today, she helped me write a LOVE NOTE to myself. Yes, she did. I took her advice and wrote to myself. I really didn’t know what I would say. It just sort of poured through my pen. (yes, pen, the sound of a pencil on paper about sends me through the roof, oh that scratchy sound………urgh, it’s a wonder I even made it through school. )
Today was meant to be. I stumbled upon her video. It is a message from her to me personally (well maybe me & a few hundred thousand other people, but it felt like she was talking directly to me). She thinks I am good enough. Did you hear that? She thinks I already have everything I need and I am good enough.
She makes me remember what a good RADIANT person I am. She reminds me that I have a spirit that I forget to let loose once in a while. While not Pollyanna, she reminds me there is a heck of a lot of good inside me. She reminds me to share the good part of me. She reminds me that I am the complete package. It’s all in there, I just have to unleash some of the glitter and let it envelop me and get all stuck in my wild curly mocha with cappuccino (that’s what the box called them) highlights.
When all else fails and I am just too moody and blue and grumpy and gruff, her books are what lift me up. She mentors me through her words and art.
I remember that I am amazing and creative and colorful and love to twirl and swirl and that I have a little inner angel clapping for me and encouraging me. I remember to use my hula hoop, while I let the chickens meander around the yard for a morning stroll.
When the boys were little, they were allowed to watch a television show or two. Sometimes, they would say, we’re bored. What can we do? Until they were a little older (one project we did was to write a list of 100 things to do when you are bored and posted it so they could refer to it often)…………….. I would answer them, and you can ask them today…..What would your mom say to you, if you said were bored and wanted something to do?
If I said it once, I said it over a million times, go paint, color or draw! Do something, anything! Our refrigerator, inside of kitchen cupboards, down the hallway, on every bedroom door, on the bathroom mirror, hung art. Inspiring art. Good, bad, complex, simple………..we had everyone’s pieces of art. Mom, Dad, kids, friends that visited…….everyone got a “special” space to use a magnet and put their creation up to display.
While I still love to doodle and draw hearts and swirls, my art is mainly through fabric. I love to sew and make things. I love the colors of the fabric and the feel. I love to make quilts that have a million little parts that somehow make up a big ol’ picture of goodness. I love the feel of my quilts. I am using my grace filled special secret quilt right now as I type. I have it wrapped around me. I feel better. I feel like there is enough love to surround me and hold me together until I can get it together myself.
Today, while wrapped in a quilt of goodness, I am looking for the courage to let loose the wonders that are inside me. I am headed into the sewing room. When I am in the sewing room, I am good enough and it feels happy & lovely.
Your dream will wait for you forever, but wouldn’t it be more fun to start living your dream now? SARK