I want to change the title of my blog of yesterday to “medicine for the sole“. I thought of that in the shower this morning. I like it better than Sweet Medicine. I feel better, now that I got that off my mind.
I was thinking about my choices. I think of them almost every hour of every day the last 10 months. I chose a very different path than many, many others. It gets lonely. I second guess myself all the time. As the months slip by, I only think of and fret about my choices 7-8 times an hour instead of 50-60 times an hour 24/7. I think I am getting better. I am trying. My strength and resolve is a little shaky now and then.
When I go to an appointment or get all frazzled, I have things that I can gather around me. I take an angel with me to appointments. I wrap up in a heart laden quilt. I have photo cards on a ring that I shuffle through. I take photo albums sometimes to take my mind in a different direction.
However, on a very average Thursday, when I have no idea on earth, why I have a mini meltdown, I have a little token I keep in my pocket. I play with it. I turn it over and over between my finger and thumb. I sometimes touch and hold it so long it gets warm. It has engraving on both sides. I can feel it. I wonder if in say, 6 years from now, I will have rubbed down the token to a smooth, silky finish? Sometimes, I see the small gossamer bag sitting on my dresser. While putting on my jewelry for the day, I decide if I “need” it or not that day.
When one of our boys was little, he was very, very shy. He kept his hands in his pockets quite a bit. I knew that inside one of those pockets was a small, very smooth, almost slippery, round, white, pretend stone. I would sometimes find it while going through pockets of pants before laundry time. I would set it aside and put it on his dresser when I delivered the clean, folded laundry. Then I would find it again come another go round in the laundry room. For a little boy, who couldn’t “remember” where he put his Sunday School shoes, I was and am simply amazed that the small touchstone was always around. (Actually he had two or three that he rotated & kept track of.) No one told him to use a touchstone. He just figured it out on his own.
I read a series of grizzly murder mysteries. The very, very wealthy husband of the main character always carries a small gray button in his expensive suit trouser pocket. It fell off his future bride’s suit while they were dating. Much like Cinderella and her slipper. He keeps the button in his pocket to remind him of the love of his life & how lucky he is. It is rather sweet.
I met a girl in High School and while there, our lives intertwined and criss crossed. We became friends. Here we are a few decades later and guess what, still friends. She has her own coals that she has walked and is hoping over. Yet, somehow in the middle of her “movie” starring her and her family, she thought of me and gave me a touchstone. I remember the day. She went over to her purse and said, “I saw this and bought it for you.” She told me she purchased it while hanging out at Seattle Children’s Hospital, just browsing the gift shop. Just so you know, she is very sane girl and a smarty pants. She doesn’t just spend her days browsing through hospital gift shops. It was very touching that in the midst of her own troubles, she thought of me.
Today, I have a full plate. No real reason for being shaky. Just had a rough night and way too much thinking “what if’s” on my part. Earlier, I read a comment from someone on a site I follow. She said she feels alone. Several of us said, we are in your corner. You are NOT alone. She too, has chosen a path less travelled.
I am a lucky, lucky girl. I have Mr. Right. He walks this path with me. I am not alone. I can talk to him anytime I want. Just sometimes, I like the feeling knowing I have a girlfriend in my corner (or rather in my pocket).
Thanks friend, for helping me through mini meltdowns. Thanks for being in my pocket. Thanks a million for being my friend, no matter what. I am grateful for your friendship. It bathes me in Grace even on days when I am less than friendly or grace filled. Someday, I hope I remember to give a little token to someone who is not feeling tip-top. It really helps. Honest, it does. I want to believe the token is magical. Well maybe not the token, maybe having a friend who will stand in my corner, no matter what choices I make, now that’s magical.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost, of course