Before Mr. Right marries a new couple, they usually have a few “get to know you”, meet and greets. Sometimes, I am there, other times I over hear a conversation in the other room. I always, always hear “the” question asked and answered. Can you guess what “the” question is?
How long have you been married? As if by some type of cosmic energy, that energy or good karma will somehow magically brush off onto them, the fresh-faced young couple eagerly wanting to sign up.
I don’t honestly know if they are looking for a certain number of years. I do know, that not one couple has said, oh never mind we will go to someone else. Sometimes all sorts of other questions follow. Really? How did you do it? What’s your secret? Really? To the same person? Do you have any tricks or suggestions? Is it wonderful all the time? Were you brought up the same town with the same religion? Did you both want kids right away? Who is in charge of the money? Do you ever fight?
First of all people who have been married 32 years don’t fight. They have really intense well-educated discussions. Yes, to the same person. We both have equal say with our money. No, we do not have separate checking or savings accounts (if you have separate checking accounts you need a marriage counselor not a financial counselor, just saying). No, it is not wonderful all the time. No, to the same town. No, to the same religion. Yes, we have a million tips and suggestions. I am guessing you will most likely not want to hear any of them. Most folks don’t.
How can I describe it? Okay, got it. One time, the US Army “invited” Mr. Right to travel someplace else. I was all of a sudden in charge of mowing the lawn. As you can imagine, it was very orderly and perfect before he left. Not so much while he was gone. Being a single mom with kids and a dog and a cat and homeschooling and church…..etc……you get it, it is hard, really hard to juggle … I was out in the front yard one day, I was bent over and pulling that dang cord over and over and over and over. I just couldn’t make the lawn mower start. From behind me, a huge arm came around, pulled the cord once and it started. I SCREAMED THANK YOU, but didn’t dare shut it off. Some Army guy, was driving by, saw me, stopped, got out, fixed the problem and drove off. done.
Yeah, that is how I would describe being married sometimes. I can do lots of things for myself. However, sometimes, the other person does stuff. Yes, I do know how to start and use a lawn mower. I just don’t have to. Yes, Mr. Right knows how to wash his own clothes and iron his work shirts, he just doesn’t have to most of the time. I am quite capable of putting gas in our car. I just don’t ever seem to need to do that chore. Being married and respecting the other person means you have a partner (like a cowgirl or cowboy who rides along for support) in this whole messy thing called life. Most of the time, it is fun and happy and amazing and messy. However, there are a few chaotic, stupid, sad, hard times and yes, having a cowboy along for the ride does make things a whole lot better. The trick is to figure out who is better at neatly folding laundry (he is), cleaning out the refrigerator (he is), hemming pants (I am), cleaning up after animals and kiddos (I am), remembering to send correspondence (I am), vacuuming (he is). Being married means you divide up the fun stuff and the icky stuff. There you go, cross stitch that saying!
Yes, I can get mushy. I can tell you that he is generous & thoughtful (one time he gave me 250 Daffodils to celebrate the day!), smart, honest, curious, funny, loyal, strong, gracious, well-educated and open-minded and that my friend, makes me want to do & act the same. I can tell you he plays a wicked game of Scrabble and I have to bring my A game. Because sometimes partners want to beat the tar out of the other Scrabble player and do a victory jig.
This morning I was reading one of my favorite blogs. Her topic today? What I learned my first two months of marriage. http://highheelsandshotgunshells.com/2014/03/11/what-i-learned-my-first-two-months-of-marriage/ If you have a moment, go check out her writing. She is gifted and funny and sweet. At the end of her chat today, she said, Marriage is messy, chaotic, fun and amazing.
I wrote her back. Yes, Marriage is messy, chaotic, fun and amazing. I am here to tell you 32 years later, I still feel that way.
Hey, Mr. Right, want to go another 32 years? I’m in.
Happy Anniversary to us!