grace, grateful, haPPY, healing

looking for Hope

The thing about finding out you are extremely ill is that “planning” takes on a whole new meaning.    Looking ahead is something you have to really work towards. Giving yourself the gift of actually picturing yourself doing something in the future.

I am not quite brave enough  to plan a big expensive cruise in two years, because “what if, we have to cancel & loose money”?  I don’t really plan next years’ Thanksgiving celebration or 3 years ahead to a special anniversary date….what if….. what if….

Heck, at first, I had a hard time planning for next week or next month.   I am learning.  It seems like baby steps, but each one builds on the next.  I am building up my hope.  I can feel it bit by little bit.

Mr. Right invited me on a date for this December.  I feel like a school girl.  I already have the dress.  Now, I need shoes and some sparkly jewelry.  Yes, a real date.  The tickets are bought.  It is going to happen.  He believes.  He hasn’t stopped believing.  No question about it, it is going to happen.    Husbands are like that.  Unconditional hope.

Looking forward…………

Healthy enough to look forward…………

Last year my brother and sister-in-law, planned to have us visit for a week in December.  I planned and worked towards that one perfect goal.   It was such a wonderful accomplishment.

We have a trip planned to meet a new Grand.  I work towards that one goal every single day.

We have another trip planned early next year to go hug our grandgirlies.  I think about it every single day.  I am going.  I will be strong and healthy.  Healthy enough to carry in lots of wrapped presents for pretty girls.  Healthy enough to read until my voice is raspy.  Healthy enough to go to the park and cheer them on.  Healthy enough to treat them to a frozen yogurt treat.  A ton of planning but oh so worth it.

To be honest, in the beginning and even now, friends stopped invited me to things.  Who knew if I would be able to attend or be well enough for a simple lunch date?  That’s okay.  I get it.  No one wants to cancel and rearrange plans.  The unknown is a bit scary to all of us.

Today, it happened.  Without any fanfare, without any warning.  Just a happy, causal phone call with a girlfriend.  No huge, earth shattering statement, just a casual comment.  “Okay, next year when we meet in the Poconos it will be so much fun.  So happy.  Okay, the leaves will be turning and we can enjoy the scenery.”

SKYTOP-LODGE_depth1The moment I hung up, it hit me.  She actually believes that I will be here next year.  She actually believes that I will be well and healthy and be able to travel across the country.  She actually believes that we will be sitting on the porch drinking cappuccino while the men folk go golfing.

No worry, no second guessing.  Just a fact.  In her mind, a totally done deal.

That’s what girlfriends do.  They give you unconditional HOPE.

Girlfriends do what no medical establishment or person can do.  They look forward and picture you together, sitting, laughing, giggling……….no doubt about it.  In their minds, it positively will happen.  No question about it.  done.  See you there.  I wonder what cute shoes I should wear?

Yeah, I wish every person reading this has the kind of girlfriend that offers hope.

The causal looking forward that only a girlfriend can give you.

See you in the Poconos.

I’ll be the one with cute shoes on.

Wouldn’t miss for the world.

imagesCAVRYUYL

 

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