feeling blue

Last week, on a sunny Colorado morning, my friend’s son graduated, 3rd in his class from the Police Academy.

That very same evening in Texas, the horrific killings of our five police officers occurred.

As humans we stand those two life changing moments side by side.

We weep for joy.

We weep for horror.

Oh, celebrating and giggling and laughing with my friend is easy peasy.  She is a wonderful mom and has given her children a great foundation and wings to fly.  This very moment she is reaping the rewards.  Her children are flying and she is in the audience clapping with joyful tears running down her cheeks. She is proud, so proud of her boy.

He is a man who cherishes & respects  his wife and they are building a good life together. He has chosen to live a life of service.

That small little boy, who would look at pants in the store to see if they had pockets BEFORE he would consider trying them on…………became a man of honor and strength.  He became a man others would run to and look up to for help.

Today, like the rest of us, there are moms, wives, girlfriends, sisters, friends, family that are crushed and on their knees, weeping.  One of the reasons they are so very proud of their “boys” is the very reason they were killed.

They ran towards the evil.  They wanted to stop it and protect others.  It’s who they were. For some reason they were called to serve and protect us.  Yes, us their family.

They are our husbands, sons, brothers, uncles, friends.

We pray for them.  We grieve with their families. We weep with them.

I pray for his wife.  Yes, she has a wonderful career in front of her. Yes, she is a smart, loving, caring and funny girl.  She has family and friends who are proud of her.

However, it must have been the hardest thing ever in her young life, to kiss him goodbye the next day as he walked out the door.  As she hugged him goodbye, she could hear the leather of his gun holster and utility belt.  She could feel the stiffness of his uniform,  the stiffness and bulk of his bullet proof vest.

He walked away from her, their safe home and walked towards the unknown.

I am guessing the juxtaposition of baking a cake and hugging him in celebration and belly laughing with tangled hair and excitement overflowing one day and the reality in which we live smacking her right between the eyes the next, was tough. Tough enough to bring tears to her eyes.

That policeman’s mom is my friend.  She loves her son and is oh so proud of the profession he has chosen.   It is tough.  His safety is on her mind.  She weeps with those five policeman’s moms.

We all weep.

This tragedy and yes it is a tragedy and horrid and ugly and shameful has brought many of us to our knees.

It is too big.  I am moving through the days, yet it still whispers above me.  I can feel the chill.  Maybe we aren’t suppose to figure it all out right now?  Maybe we just need to be in the sorrow?  Feel the sadness, not sweep it under the rug and move on.  Maybe we just need to be still and hurt?

I am in awe of the men and women that run towards evil.  I am grateful.

When I don’t really know what to do, I look for signs and what others are doing.

I can’t help but think that God is sad and weeping.  He too, must be taking a moment to hurt and be still.

Angels are weeping.

weeping angel



7 thoughts on “feeling blue

  1. Kathie Pelley

    Thank you for sharing the joys of your dear friend and her family. Thank you for putting into words what all of our hearts are feeling. The pride and joy of family and the heart break and sadness for those same families.

Comments are closed.