As the usual, my mind is whirling and going in all different directions.
I can’t type fast enough to keep up. I have a pen and paper that I scribbled notes. Yes, a long, long list of notes and ideas and thoughts all messy and different directions. I write at 3 in the morning. I write while waiting for coffee. I add to a list near my sewing machine. I have a pad of paper in the car. (I am the passenger when I write, or at least wait for a red light.)
Our sweet Goddaughter, to protect her identity, I think I will call her “Wonder Girl” is engaged to be married. Her betrothed name starts with a J, so I think I will call him G.I. Joe.
We have been thinking of gift ideas for an engagement gift as well as a wedding gift. Both important, yes, however, I want to give them advice. I want to give them the tricks of the trade that make “it” work. I want to fill their young, pliable, sponge like brains with great ideas and thoughts and lift them up.
I have a funny feeling this is going to be way more than one blog! ha. Wonder Girl and Joe will LOVE that.
Buckle up kids, it is going to be a thrilling ride with lots of ups and downs and curves along the way. It is SO WORTH the price of admission. This is going to be the ride of your life!
Okay, everyone knows the number one thing people gripe about in marriage counseling is money. Buy Dave Ramsey’s book/s. Period. Buy them. Read them. Read them together or separately. It is the blueprint how to run a financially stable life. Get that in place BEFORE you marry. You will NEVER regret it. His books are reasonable, intelligent, well written, easy to follow. Quite possibly the best thing you can do for your financal peace of mind.
Okay that said…………..I am going to share bits of our life that make it smoother, happier, better, lighter, easier, nicer and on and on.
Mr. Right says, every kitchen should have four or five, save up for, “the best you can afford” kitchen knives. We own Henckle. We LOVE them. We want to marry them. We saved up and bought one a month for a few months. You buy them once, you will NEVER have to buy knives again in your lifetime. You will always have them. It will be worth it. Mr. Right also says, every kitchen should have of course a cutting board, however a small cutting board just for little things gets used almost every single day of our lives.
So far that is two pieces of valuable information.
Here is the third bit of enlightenment for today (then I will stop for today): Your bedroom. Make it a sanctuary. Make it a lovely place to go. NO TELEVISION. NO pictures of dogs, brothers, kids, nieces, parents, grandparents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO piles of laundry. DO NOT PAY BILLS in your bedroom. DO NOT have a disagreement in that room. Even if you have the smallest apartment on earth. Keep that room sacred and special. If and when you have kids put a lock on the inside of the door. (yes, keep a spare key somewhere, duh). Purchase the highest quality linens (you only need one or two sets) you can afford. Save up for them. Buy some really great battery operated candles. Think through the lighting. A couple of nice bedside lamps. Save, save, save for a really lovely bed. Buy a good mattress. Replace said mattress every 10-15 years. Budget for it. YOU ARE BOTH WORTH the time you put into it. Budget some money for special things. Buy a great basket or bin with a lid. Spend the money and buy some great massage lotion, potions, sensual books, and on and on) Purchase lovely (and sassy) lingerie. Buy some great under garments for G.I. Joe. Make the effort from day one. Have a great music system in your bedroom. Sure everyone needs an alarm clock. However, figure out a way (please hide the cords) to have a docking station for your ipod, or a CD player or whatever. Make a concerted effort for each other. This is not a room to show off to friends. This is yours. This is private and sensual and intense and lovely and just for you two. Yes, buy a bed cover, bed spread, comforter, duvet whatever your preference. Make it something the two of you BOTH love. However, also buy some fabric with texture. Buy a faux animal fur throw. Buy a lovely, feather pillow. Make an effort. When G.I.Joe gives you flowers (and he will). First thank him, go overboard, make him feel like it was one of the best decisions in his life. DO NOT complain about the money he spent. Smell them, enjoy the moment. Put them in a vase. Make an effort. Take the flowers every single night into your bedroom. He will love that you do that. You will love that you do that. He will grace you with love and attention if you will give him the chance to do so. If you will swallow your “girl power” for a moment and wait graciously, he will have the time to open the door for you. If you give up some control and share the decorating and decisions about your bedroom, it will be both of yours. Not just a ruffle filled, perfume filled place he can slip into once in a while. Hopefully, you will allow him to be a gentleman. However, you need to give it right back to him. Make sure when you buy him some little treat you wrap it in paper with a bow. Hide it under his pillow. Buy a small little candy jar. Fill it with his favor sweet treat or sour or savory. Keep it on his side of the bed. Keep it filled, surprise him. Leave him love notes. Tape them to the bathroom window. Put one in his car. Put one on his coffee cup. Mr. Right and I have been married for over 28 years. I wake up to a letter every single day. Yes, he writes me a 5 X 7 ” letter. He includes stick figure drawings. I feel LOVED everyday of my life. Make each other feel loved. That is your mission. When G.I. Joe goes TDY, put a card or letter in his suitcase/duffle bag. Set the tone these first few months.
You are both worthy of a wonderful lovely relationship. Make the effort now. You will enjoy the fruits of your labor for years and years to come. Oh sure, I will offer up more and more not asked for advice. For now, set your relationship apart and on a higher level. Make time for friends and pizza and movies and hikes and bike riding and camping etc. First and formost make your relationship the most important thing above all the other “stuff”.
Your mission if you choose to accept it……………from this day forward, make the other person feel lucky to have you in their life every single day.
When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out. ~e.bowen